R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
