I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
