laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
