Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
