i would punch a child for taco bell
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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