He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
