me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
