Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
