Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
