It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want her autograph on my taint
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
