he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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