I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How does one acquire holy water?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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