She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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