Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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