and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
