guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
