just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
