You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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