dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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