Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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