Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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