I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
