70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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