Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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