I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
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How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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