I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
