If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
