Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
