I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
