He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i think my cat just said my name.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
