I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
