my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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