He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
