And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
