remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
