Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
