Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
