ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
