Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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