I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
