May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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