Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
