I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
