I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
