shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
