when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
