he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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