Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
