We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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