It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
