I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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