i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
