I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
