we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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