I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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