youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
