I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how drunk are you?
Several
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
