she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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