she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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