you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
