batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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