I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
