Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
