Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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