just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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