So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you never un-have a 4some
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
