Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
