I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
