hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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