I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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