Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
