I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
