I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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