Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
