is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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