CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
